I used to reminisce all the time, whether it was reading old journal entries or going through silly/dramatic photos I took with a 2010 webcam. At least once a week I’d “stalk myself” on Facebook and look through the photos of my life, as if I needed it to remember who I was.
The truth is that I did need it. It was more powerful than looking in the mirror. Reminiscing kept me grounded. It reminded me of how much I enjoyed the good times, and how I got through the bad times. It reminded me that I had my own story, different from anyone else’s.
Then one day reminiscing became destructive. I was going through heartbreak and it became too painful to look back on happy times. Once I got through the sadness of that heartbreak, I was angry. And because of that anger I decided to never look back.
I decided to only focus on who I was becoming. I wanted to show that guy who broke my heart that I was becoming the best version of myself. Only on the surface did my life seem great. In reality, I was depressed. And reminiscing made that worse.
After 2 years of trying to forget my past, I’ve realized the effect its had on me. I was starting to forget who I was and all of the struggles I’ve been through. I blocked out some of the most important moments of my life that made me who I am.
And now it’s all revealing itself. The feelings of my first love and first heartbreak. As hard as it is to revisit those memories, I have to.
I hope you will too.
“Remember who you are and where you come from.” – Karolina Kurkova